I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
