It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
