I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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