maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
