yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
