That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
