There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
