As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
