If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
