Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
