he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
