I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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