At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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