u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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