So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
