God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
