I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
