I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
