My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
FUCK WHALES
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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