I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
and you fell through a lawn chair
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