I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
