Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
