I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I could make wine with my vomit
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
