I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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