are you still at the devil's house?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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