I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
