You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
