Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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