i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
