new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
