$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
now i know why i became what i already was.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
