Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
