I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
