I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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