I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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