John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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