she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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