My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
