...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
