What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
