Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
