there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
