cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
