She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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