You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
