flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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