"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
