Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm bleeding and have questions
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
