Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
