Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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