Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just gargled with NyQuil
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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